from now on my penis is your penis
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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