What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This baby is an asshole
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
