# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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