I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Randomize
