I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
