Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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