Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Its about making memories worth repressing
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
