I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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