so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
