Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
