I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
