What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
