3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
