oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
