I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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