someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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