by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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