I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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