I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
