That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
