The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
