I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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