....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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