"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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