I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
