they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
