are you so shy because you have an std?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
