i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
