Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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