So drunk its hurt
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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