I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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