she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Drunk is not a location!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
