I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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