I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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