I love black thongs
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
