You can't motorboat a personality
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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