I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
