He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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