but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Everything about him screamed your future.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
