If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
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He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
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At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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