Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
