Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Green mimosas i think yes
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
