Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
