The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
