I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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