Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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