Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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