they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
