Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
