She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
