I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
