Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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