ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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