I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
