wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
