Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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