I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
