Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
they need to just BURY HIM!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
