You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
