Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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