dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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