Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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