ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
