my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
