I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
