I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize