I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
