dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
