do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
